Nothing else matters
by A-Karana
Summary: Set after 6.15, JJ, oneshot


**After episode 6.15: Nothing else matters**

Lorelai was angry.

During her walk home through the cold night Lorelai´s feelings had changed several times. When she had left the diner she had felt sad. Sad that their trip was over, sad that Cesar had mentioned April, sad that with just the mentioning her name the happiness she and Luke had shared the last hours had disappeared, sad that he would spend the night at his place, but most of all sad that he didn´t want her to meet April.

Then she had thought of how he had reassured her that he loved her and that they would get married and she had been happy.

But by the time she arrived at home she had been disappointed again. When she heard the messages and saw the picture in the newspaper her feelings had changed once again and after the shock anger was all what was left. She threw the newspaper against the wall and turned of the answering machine where her relatives left one message after the other. She wanted to call her mother and yell at her, go over to Luke and kick him, make April and her mother disappear somehow. But she couldn´t.

She needed to vent somehow and screaming, kicking or killing wasn´t an option. She stomped over to her stereo, looked through her CD collection and wasn´t happy when she found what she had been looking for: Her Metallica CD. She threw it in, hit the play button and turned up the volume so much that she felt the sound of the guitars vibrating in her body. She threw her jacket on the floor and walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. It was good that Paul Anka was still at Sookie´s, he would have been scared to death by the loud music.

She began to scream with the music, she know the texts by heart. It was so loud that she couldn´t even hear her own voice, although she stood in the kitchen.

She got hot from all the screaming and opened the backdoor, then the front door, then the living-room windows. She found one of Luke´s fishing-magazines on the table and threw it out through the open window, then his shoes in the hallway, his scarf, one of his caps. She ran upstairs where she found his toiletries in the bathroom. She opened that window also and this stuff also landed outside somewhere. She couldn´t remember when she had felt that angry the last time.

She had just moved to the bedroom and was throwing his clothes on the floor when the music changed and the only slow song on the CD began to play. She rushed downstairs with some of his clothes still in the hand and wanted to turn it off, but James Hetfield had already started to sing and she couldn´t.

_So close no matter how far_

_Couldn't be much more from the heart_

_Forever trusting who we are_

_And nothing else matters_

She had always believed it was with Luke and her that way. But then he hadn´t told her. He had said "No more secrets" and then he hadn´t told her. For two months. For two freaking months he had kept this to himself.

_Never opened myself this way_

_Life is ours, we live it our way_

_All these words I don't just say_

_And nothing else matters_

She had been honest. She had told him everything. Every oh-so innocent talk with Christopher, her problems with Rory, her thoughts about Logan, the events of every contact with her parents. Everything. She had told him everything. She had never told anybody everything. Not her parents, not Chris, not Sookie or Rory. She had always depended on herself and it had been hard. But then she had depended on him and now it was even harder.

_Trust I seek and I find in you_

_Every day for us something new_

_Open mind for a different view_

_And nothing else matters_

It had been this way. She had thought that it had been this way. For some short months after his speech. But now she knew it had been an illusion. The trust had been one sided. He didn´t trust her. He didn´t trust her enough to introduce her to his daughter and that probably hurt more as if she hadn´t been able to trust him completely. That she would have been used to. She had never trusted anybody completely.

_Never cared for what they do_

_Never cared for what they know_

_But I know_

_So close no matter how far_

_Couldn't be much more from the heart_

_Forever trusting who we are_

_And nothing else matters_

Even her parents accepted him now, somehow in their own weird way. Now, they did. Now that everything was falling apart and he hurt her more than she ever thought he could, they liked and accepted him.

He had told her that he loved her just the evening before. He had told her that they would get married. He told her they would have lobster. And she had believed him and had been happy. But then Cesar had said "April" and "Your daughter" and the man she loved had changed into a man she didn´t know at all again. The stranger she lived with for several weeks now. He had told her "No more secrets".

_Never cared for what the do_

_Never cared for what they know_

_But I know_

_Never opened myself this way_

_Life is ours, we live it our way_

_All these words I don't just say_

_And nothing else matters_

She still stood in front of the stereo, still with his clothes clutched in her hand. She was oblivious to the fact that she was crying. She hadn´t cried about it yet. Not when she found out he lied, not when they postponed the wedding, not when he shut her out and forbid her to come to the diner while she was there, not when he had been in a crabby mood the whole Valentine´s weekend. Not during all this time she doubted they would get married. But now she did. After he had told her that he loved her for the first time in months, after he had reassured her and after the had spend a nice day (Except the Mitchum-incident) together. She had been happy. Truly happy. But the word "April" was enough and her happiness flew out the window together with his stuff, which was now outside on the front-yard.

_Trust I seek and I find in you_

_Every day for us something new_

_Open mind for a different view_

_And nothing else matters_

"Lorelai?" she heard him yelling and jumped, his clothes falling on the floor. She didn´t turn around. She felt his footsteps on the floor and felt the his movements behind her when he turned the music down, reaching with one arm around her.

"It´s freezing in here!" he stated and touched her arm to turn her around, but she pulled away.

"Lorelai?" he asked softly.

"You said no more secrets!" she said and realized that she was crying when her voice broke. That made her even more furious.

"You said no more secrets! You said we have to tell each other everything! And you didn´t tell me! You didn´t tell me for two months! Two months! While I was planing our wedding, found the perfect dress and the church and the invitations and a date! And again you didn´t tell me that it wouldn´t happen! You knew you didn´t want to get married then! You knew it and you didn´t tell me! You only tell me what you must tell me and it makes me want to throw up! I told you everything! You know when the last time was I told a person everything? Never, that´s when! And because you want the truth I give you the truth! I hate that we postponed the wedding! I hate that my mother already invited all my relatives and I can´t even yell t her because that´s the first nice thing she did in years! It´s not her fault and it´s not mine! It´s yours! Because you shut me out! You tell me you love me, but you are to embarrassed, scared or wrapped up in your won stuff that you didn´t even introduce me to April!You make me hate her because I have to disappear out of your life every time she appears. You are my fiance and you should make me happy but all you´re making me at the moment is hurt and sad and standing crying in front of a stereo in an ice-cold house! And I hate it! And you know what is the worst? I can´t even end it here and tell you to go because I love you so much and I depend on you. And while you are the one who causes all this you re the only one who keeps me from falling apart!" she yelled at him, her tears falling freely down on the floor where his clothes lay.

_Never cared for what they say_

_Never cared for games they play_

_Never cared for what they do_

_Never cared for what they know_

_And I know_

_So close no matter how far_

_Couldn't be much more from the heart_

_Forever trusting who we are_

_No nothing else matters_

He waited until she was quiet again and then stepped forward and pulled her against him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her while she cried in his shoulder.

He waited until she had calmed down a bit before he spoke.

"Do you want to come to the diner tomorrow at four? I would like you to meet your step-daughter to be. We could eat together and maybe you can help her with geometry or show me how to do this smiling and nodding thing?" he asked quietly. She looked up at him, with her teary eyes.

"Okay" she said and he gave her a soft kiss.

"It´s cold in here. I´m going to take a bath. Join me after you picked up your stuff in the front-yard" she said and gave him a small smile. He tried. He tried to make everything right again. She tried. She tried to make everything right again. They loved each other. Nothing else mattered.

**End**


End file.
